I love being me.

The censure motion is one of the most useless pieces of political theatre available to impotent oppositions. They know that the motion will never get up because the vote always goes on party lines, but they persist in rolling them out to give themselves the opportunity to grandstand in front of the Press Gallery. The Gallery always lap it up because most of them lack even the most basic understanding of Parliamentary procedure and think that a censure motion is a big deal. Well, today it was.

The pitiful ‘Leader’ of the opposition moved a censure motion and got ready to start droning on about petrol prices, grocery prices and interest rates in his usual fashion when I turned the tables on him. I used my numbers in the House to amend the motion, calling on him to be censured instead of me, and then we passed it. I think I saw Brendan tear up a little when he realised that he’d provided us with yet another opportunity to humiliate him. I don’t think he’ll be wasting our time with any more censure motions in the near future.

I knew that being PM was going to have some nice perks, but it’s the delight at finding new ways to exercise my power that’s the real thrill.

More leaks.

I did not authorise the release of these documents and when I find out who leaked them I intend to personally show that individual why the public service in Queensland used to call me Dr. Death. I have a feeling that there are some former Government appointees, who we mercifully allowed to retain their jobs, who haven’t adjusted to the new reality of working for us instead of the Liberals. It’ll be interesting to see how they adjust to the new reality of unemployment shortly.

I am so annoyed with this. Hopefully Jeeves remembers to harvest some fresh chamomile this afternoon so that I can have a herbal tea to calm me down.

Regarding Cate

I don’t think that I’m being unreasonable to be a bit miffed over this unreasonable reply from Australia’s art community to my response to Bill Henson’s photographs. Seriously people what do you want me to do? Do you really think that the people who think that we need a five cent petrol tax cut can understand the nuances that surround this type of argument? Do you think it would be helpful for the PM to engage in a discussion about what is art? The photos aren’t really all that good to be honest, if you want to run an anti censorship argument that the general public will support you in hang your hat on some soft porn out of France, leave the kiddies out of it.

I’m particularly hurt by the fact that Cate decided to put her name to the letter. I mean I skipped John Button’s funeral to visit her and her baby, gave her top billing at the 2020 summit and this is how she repays me? I’ve told Peter Garrett to let her know that she can forget coming over to The Lodge for drinks on Friday night. The down side of this is that it means that Hugh Jackman will be coming over. Hopefully Jeeves can entertain him.

I’m back

I know I left you abruptly and I’m sorry. But when I saw this nonsense the other day I realised how much you need me. I promise I’ll be more attentive in future.

Petrol is expensive.

All of this petrol talk is really starting to bore me. I’m busy trying to implement our enormously popular first term agenda and all anyone wants to talk about is petrol. Are you ready for the truth Australia? Are you sure? OK, here it is. Petrol is scarce, it’s running out at exactly the same time as the demand for it is going through the roof, that means that it’s going to keep getting more and more expensive.

So should we give a tax cut or an excise cut to help everyone? Of course not! Why the hell do you want me to encourage you to use more petrol? It’s time to take some personal responsibility Australia. Get rid of your oversized and unnecessary four wheel drives and six cylinder cars, drive economically or even, shock horror, walk or ride a bike.

Oh and about that leak this morning, I did that. I know Fuelwatch is a stupid idea and I want you to know it too. It’s not as stupid and as economically reckless as the Liberals excise cut though, don’t forget that.