Dagwood Dogs, Heart Attacks, 24/7

This is just ridiculous. I get sick, once, and the crazed hacks at News are looking for conspiracies everywhere. For the record, it wasn’t a heart attack, when my spokesman said ‘Dodgy Dagwood Dog’ it was a euphemism, and it’s got nothing to do with the fact that I have a capacity for work that overshadows the usual crop of alcoholics, drug users and louts that make up the Canberra Press Gallery.

The past few weeks have been taking a bit of a toll on me though, to be honest. I sincerely thought that the new leadership that I bought to the nation last November would have begun to sweep away some of the worst traits of Australia that flourished under the Liberals. Sadly though, we have Redneck Kate McCulloch defiling our flag with her bigoted idiocy, The Liberal Party discriminating against gay people, and John Howard still thinking that his opinion is worth anything. I promise that once the obstructionist Senate stops holding up our wildly popular first term agenda, things will improve.