Spending time in Japan is amazing. I love the fact that this country which runs at such a hectic pace simultaneously seems to embrace calm. The food is great, you really haven’t tried sushi until you’ve had it in Tokyo, and Therese and I are hoping to get to Iron Chef Sakai’s restaurant before we leave, Prime Minister Fukuda personally recommended it to me.

I won’t pretend that events at home aren’t a little disturbing, although to be honest it’s amazing that Belinda Neal took over seven months to have her first public tantrum, I know I’m not the only person in cabinet who’s lost a bit of cash over that. I’m rather glad that I didn’t have to deal with this at home though, Belinda and John scare the hell out of me, they give off a kind of ‘lock you in the basement and eat you’ vibe at the best of times.

The half-wit hacks made a big deal over the fact that I spent twenty minutes on the phone to Belinda, but I only actually had the chance to tell her to get some counselling after listening to her rant incoherently for nineteen and three quarter minutes. I actually had to call the security staff from Parliament House on Therese’s mobile and wait for them to calm her down, these guys are trained to take out terrorist threats and even they’re afraid of this crazy woman. What do they put in the water on the Central Coast?

I always enjoy travel, but it’s doubly nice when you can talk a bit of smack to cheeky hacks and at the same time punch a hole in the lame arguments of the Opposition. The excellent miso soup is just a bonus.

In news that will surprise no-one, it turns out that the Coalition while in government completely dismissed the type of reforms that they are now championing as an excuse to hold up our legislation which will improve the rights of same sex couples. I think that any fair minded person can see that same sex couples should have exactly the same rights as heterosexual de-facto couples, which is what this piece of legislation will achieve. But the retrogrades in the Liberal and National Parties simply won’t accept that it’s not OK to discriminate against gay people as a way of winning the support of bigots.

I believe that it’s time for Australians to loudly reject the bigoted, narrow minded, prejudice that the conservative forces in this nation use as their bread and butter and demand that we work towards a more egalitarian nation where fairness and respect are the guiding principles we live by. I think that we’ve taken the first step in that process by electing my government, but we need to do more by letting the opposition know that discrimination is just plain wrong, it is not a reasonable area of ‘policy differentiation’. Australia deserves better than the clowns that John Howard has left behind, moulded in his bitter image.

If the Honeymoon is over, again, then let me be the first one to say that I’ll happily take these poll numbers to the next election. How about you go and ask Brendan the same question?

This is just ridiculous. I get sick, once, and the crazed hacks at News are looking for conspiracies everywhere. For the record, it wasn’t a heart attack, when my spokesman said ‘Dodgy Dagwood Dog’ it was a euphemism, and it’s got nothing to do with the fact that I have a capacity for work that overshadows the usual crop of alcoholics, drug users and louts that make up the Canberra Press Gallery.

The past few weeks have been taking a bit of a toll on me though, to be honest. I sincerely thought that the new leadership that I bought to the nation last November would have begun to sweep away some of the worst traits of Australia that flourished under the Liberals. Sadly though, we have Redneck Kate McCulloch defiling our flag with her bigoted idiocy, The Liberal Party discriminating against gay people, and John Howard still thinking that his opinion is worth anything. I promise that once the obstructionist Senate stops holding up our wildly popular first term agenda, things will improve.

The censure motion is one of the most useless pieces of political theatre available to impotent oppositions. They know that the motion will never get up because the vote always goes on party lines, but they persist in rolling them out to give themselves the opportunity to grandstand in front of the Press Gallery. The Gallery always lap it up because most of them lack even the most basic understanding of Parliamentary procedure and think that a censure motion is a big deal. Well, today it was.

The pitiful ‘Leader’ of the opposition moved a censure motion and got ready to start droning on about petrol prices, grocery prices and interest rates in his usual fashion when I turned the tables on him. I used my numbers in the House to amend the motion, calling on him to be censured instead of me, and then we passed it. I think I saw Brendan tear up a little when he realised that he’d provided us with yet another opportunity to humiliate him. I don’t think he’ll be wasting our time with any more censure motions in the near future.

I knew that being PM was going to have some nice perks, but it’s the delight at finding new ways to exercise my power that’s the real thrill.

I did not authorise the release of these documents and when I find out who leaked them I intend to personally show that individual why the public service in Queensland used to call me Dr. Death. I have a feeling that there are some former Government appointees, who we mercifully allowed to retain their jobs, who haven’t adjusted to the new reality of working for us instead of the Liberals. It’ll be interesting to see how they adjust to the new reality of unemployment shortly.

I am so annoyed with this. Hopefully Jeeves remembers to harvest some fresh chamomile this afternoon so that I can have a herbal tea to calm me down.

I don’t think that I’m being unreasonable to be a bit miffed over this unreasonable reply from Australia’s art community to my response to Bill Henson’s photographs. Seriously people what do you want me to do? Do you really think that the people who think that we need a five cent petrol tax cut can understand the nuances that surround this type of argument? Do you think it would be helpful for the PM to engage in a discussion about what is art? The photos aren’t really all that good to be honest, if you want to run an anti censorship argument that the general public will support you in hang your hat on some soft porn out of France, leave the kiddies out of it.

I’m particularly hurt by the fact that Cate decided to put her name to the letter. I mean I skipped John Button’s funeral to visit her and her baby, gave her top billing at the 2020 summit and this is how she repays me? I’ve told Peter Garrett to let her know that she can forget coming over to The Lodge for drinks on Friday night. The down side of this is that it means that Hugh Jackman will be coming over. Hopefully Jeeves can entertain him.

I know I left you abruptly and I’m sorry. But when I saw this nonsense the other day I realised how much you need me. I promise I’ll be more attentive in future.

All of this petrol talk is really starting to bore me. I’m busy trying to implement our enormously popular first term agenda and all anyone wants to talk about is petrol. Are you ready for the truth Australia? Are you sure? OK, here it is. Petrol is scarce, it’s running out at exactly the same time as the demand for it is going through the roof, that means that it’s going to keep getting more and more expensive.

So should we give a tax cut or an excise cut to help everyone? Of course not! Why the hell do you want me to encourage you to use more petrol? It’s time to take some personal responsibility Australia. Get rid of your oversized and unnecessary four wheel drives and six cylinder cars, drive economically or even, shock horror, walk or ride a bike.

Oh and about that leak this morning, I did that. I know Fuelwatch is a stupid idea and I want you to know it too. It’s not as stupid and as economically reckless as the Liberals excise cut though, don’t forget that.

What a great way to start a long weekend!It’s always fun slapping around the intellectual midgets on the other side of the chamber, but it’s doubly satisfying when they’ve been hoist on their own petard. I know that we may have looked like we were in a bit of trouble this week when the Libs started carrying on about some of the sponsored travel that we undertook while in opposition, but we knew all along that, as usual, they were in it up to their necks. Personally, I think the personal involvement of Mark Vaile with a guy they’ve been trying to paint as a secret contact of mine is the best part of the story. Although Andrew Robb admitting that they’d be happy to accept sponsorship from the same company was a very close second.

One thing that I think does need to be cleared up is this,

But questions remain about why Mr Tang chose to be so generous to a number of senior Labor politicians,

The answer to this is pretty straight forward. If you had to spend time with anyone from the Libs or the Nats when they were in government you’d do everything in your power to get the ALP elected too. A dinner with the Libs is only marginally less painful than root canal surgery. Spending time with the Nats is like trying to explain quantum physics to a three year old who’s drunk four litres of red cordial, actually it’s harder than that. People don’t necessarily like the ALP, but they sure do despise the Coalition.

Friends, I know that you all understand that everything that I do is in the best interests of the nation. From time to time the opposition are going to try throwing this type of mud to discredit me, you simply need to trust that there is always a perfectly good explanation for everything I do. Have a happy and safe Easter.